At least that's what the controversy is this week. A lot of people are fired up about pre-marital advice Tyrese Gibson gave La La Vasquez on her reality show. Tyrese told La La she needed to hang out with married women to prepare herself for marriage. Ok, so what's wrong with that? Well, everything and nothing at all.
You And I Shall Never Part---Right?
For most of us, our friends are family. We go through ups, downs, heartache, lust, and love....together. Basically, it's like marriage because you've seen each other through better and worst, sickness and health, and of course most of that happened while you were single. But, Tyrese says you should hang out with other married women. Where does that leave your single friends?
Married Women Are From Jupiter, Single Women Are From Pluto
Let Tyrese tell it, married women are in a different space than their single friends. I wonder if this same advice applies to married and single men? Hmmmmmm, some how I doubt it. It sounded harsh when he said it, but it's true. When you get married, you are in a different space than your single friends. Just the fact that you have to consider someone else in every aspect of your life is HUGE. And, no matter how much you don't want to be that friend, you don't get to talk to your girls and hang out as much. The guilt you feel is something nobody tells you about getting married. Single friends, please know your married friends don't forget you.
Why Aren't Hanging Out With Married Women?
To say someone should exclusively hang out with only married women or single women is unfortunate to say the least. I don't think Tyrese was advocating the point, he was just saying something your grandmother would probably tell you anyway. The fact is, I can't imagine you kicking any of your friends to the curb based on whether or not a man decides to put a ring on it. When I married my husband, he knew I was a package deal including family and friends. I knew the same was true for him. Like my girl K would say, when it comes to my girls, I'm down like four flats. I'm willing to bet you feel the same. If you don't please leave a comment, so we can hear your point of view.
How to Bridge the Gap Between Marriage and Friendship
- Make a point to check in with your girlfriends to catch up. It might seem anal, but if you have to schedule times to talk, have lunch, etc, do it!
- Single friends, please understand your friend needs time to adjust to the first year of marriage. Everything about your life is different when you get married, and it takes at least a year to stop your head from spinning. Please don't make your friend feel guilty for getting married.
- Support, support, support each other. Your FRIENDS will always be there for you---period.
What advice would you offer anyone trying to balance friendship and relationship? If you're one of my international readers, I would love to hear what you think too.
Talk to Me Tuesday is a series dedicated to thought provoking dialog. Grab a seat and let's talk about it.